


Smothered

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: LAOFT Extras [43]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Kissing, M/M, past original character death, there is no child death but a character PERCEIVES it as child death so warning for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 17:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20067478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: “So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”-E. A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly





	Smothered

**Author's Note:**

> for this prompt from [ @bluebellflames ](bluebellflames.tumblr.com) over on tumblr:
> 
> "if i could get some nice virgil hurt/comfort? with maybe some kissing worked in??"
> 
> combined with this prompt from "im really sorry i accidentally deleted your ask and dont remember who you were" also on tumblr:
> 
> “So I re-read “Sleepsong” which was absolutely heartbreaking I’m literally on the verge of tears (which doesn’t normally happen so kudos). One of the saddest parts of it for me was that Virgil never got to see Trudi grow up so did he get to see pictures that he/Roman/May found of Trudi (and maybe of older Greta as well)?”
> 
> consumer video/film cameras were available much earlier than you'd think - my grandparents have one and we have videos from as early as the 50's

Roman was fairlyvibrating with nerves – it wasn’t hard to see Virgil could tell. He kept glancing between Roman and Logan warily, and Patton didn’t really look any better.

It was a bit of gamble. Hopefully, Virgil would like it – hopefully, it would make him smile or at least comfort him, but there was always the chance this was about to go horribly, terribly wrong.

The last thing Roman wanted to do was hurt Virgil.

Roman lifted their held hands and kissed the back of Virgil’s palm with a soft smile, and some of the trepidation faded from Virgil’s eyes.

Roman led them all into his house, and then into the kitchen where Mamaw had painstakingly set up a digital projector, hooked to Roman’s battered laptop.

The actual film projector had been long since rendered unusable by time and neglect. Mamaw said she’d always meant to gt it fixed, but had never had a good enough reason to get around to it.

Roman had found a service that converted film to digital, and sent the box off, and waited.

Virgil looked at the projector with the same sort of uncomprehending nonchalance he did a lot of modern technology.

“We have some videos for you,” said Roman.

Virgil cast Roman another hesitant look, but he only paused for a few moments before sitting in one of the chairs in the semi-circle around the table.

But he didn’t sit long, because Mamaw clicked the play button and he instantly leapt to his feet.

Roman held his breath.

* * *

Virgil felt faint.

There was a redhead on the screen, with eyes and a nose Virgil easily recognized – May, but a little younger than Roman’s age. She was scrunching her face up at the woman who had her arms wrapped around May’s shoulder’s

Trudi looked totally different – she looked exactly the same.

“She’s…”

No one spoke.

“She’s so tall,” he said. He could barely recognize his own voice.

The strange and familiar people in the video waved, smiling at the camera. Trudi leaned over to kiss May on the temple and May swatted at her. They were both laughing, but there was no sound.

Not like he needed it – he already had the voice to go with the face.

Trudi was talking now, to whoever held the camera, and she suddenly grinned so wide she closed her eyes, which she only did when she was _really_ happy, when she got sweets or got Ritter to do tricks or when Virgil taught her new string games-

He’d heard her voice while he was in the casket, but the image of her, in his head… she hadn’t changed. She’d still been six. May said her mother’s name was Gertrude and ‘Gertrude’ wasn’t Trudi because Trudi was _six_ but here she was, spinning her teenage daughter and grabbing for someone else out of frame, an adult with a family and long hair and so _tall-_

Trudi was six. Trudi was a grown woman and a mother.

Trudi wasn’t any of these things because Trudi was dead.

“-irgil? Virgil, babe, please I’m sorry-”

“-on’t crowd him, Roman-”

“Patton, _don’t-_”

Patton’s hands curled around Virgil’s forearm, soft and feather-light and still too much, and Virgil bolted.

* * *

Patton sniffed, and Logan ran his thumb across the back of Patton’s hand. Roman was ahead of them, leading the way, a little sliver coin on a string hanging in front of him from his finger.

They’d never catch up to Virgil – Roman or Logan might, if they were alone or just the two of them, but with Patton in tow they never would – not if Virgil didn’t want them to.

Patton _really _hoped he wanted them to.

Roman and Logan looked about as guilty as Patton had ever seen them, and Roman especially had his shoulders hunched over the pendulum and hadn’t looked at either of them in several minutes.

Patton was so focused on the tension in the air that he didn’t actually notice when Roman stopped until he almost walked into him, but Logan pulled him back a little. Patton leaned around Roman and made a wounded noise.

Virgil was sitting against a tree, a loop of string in his hand. His hands were moving so quickly Patton couldn’t tell what he was making before he pulled it apart again.

And his _face. _Virgil’s eyebrows were knitted together, his jaw clenched. Patton had seen the expression once, what felt like ages ago in the barn the first night he’d met Virgil awake. He was trying not to cry.

Patton let his hand slip out of Logan’s and walked past Roman. Virgil didn’t look, up, not as Patton crossed the distance between them and not when he got there and not when Patton sat down, closing but not touching, and waited.

Virgil’s hands stilled. A drum, this time. He let the loops fall off his fingers, and didn’t start again.

“Hey, sweetheart,” said Patton quietly.

Virgil swallowed, and his throat clicked. Patton heard Roman and Logan slowly coming up behind him, but he didn’t look away from Virgil.

“I thought a lot about Greta dying,” said Virgil suddenly.

Patton bit his lip.

“Had a bit of a crisis when her hair started to turn gray, even thought it was only a little bit,”

Virgil’s hands in his lap were just barely shaking.

“But not Trudi,” he croaked, “Why would I? She was a _baby._ A little kid,”

“Oh, honey,” said Patton, his voice thick and strained, and Virgil shattered right in front of him.

The shine of his eyes spilled over and his face crumpled, and he threw himself forward to wrap his arms around Patton’s waist and hid a strangled sob in his chest practically the moment Patton had opened his arms.

Patton was so much smaller than Virgil, but it didn’t stop Patton curling his shoulders and his head over him, like he could protect him somehow. But there was nothing Patton could do, nothing to fix. Holding Virgil was just about the only option he had.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into Virgil’s hair, “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so, so sorry,”

Virgil choked on another sob and Patton’s own eyes spilled over. He felt useless. Small.

Virgil lurched up suddenly, but he didn’t let go, looking around with wet, panicked eyes. He saw Logan and Roman over Patton’s shoulder and made a weak, heartbroken noise, just barely reaching for them.

“Please-”

The word wasn’t even entirely out of his mouth before they were there, Logan pressed up against Virgil’s back with his forehead pressed between his shoulders and Roman sitting next to them on his heels.

Virgil made another wounded noise and Roman cupped his face, pressing feather-soft, soothing kisses all over his face.

“_I’m_ sorry,” said Roman desperately, “I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have sprung that on you, but I didn’t know how to _explain_, I-”

Virgil shook his head.

“No,” he said, “Even if you had, it- it wouldn’t have made a difference,”

“I _hurt_ you,” said Roman firmly, “And I’m sorry. You don’t have to watch them-”

“No, no,” said Virgil immediately, removing one hand from Patton and gently touching the side of Roman’s face, “I do. I want to see. All of the ones you have,”

He gritted his teeth for a moment.

“Just-” he choked.

More tears spilled over his eyes, and gave weak, brittle smile.

“Just not today,” he said thickly.

Roman nodded, with another kiss to Virgil’s forehead, and followed him down when Virgil set his head back on Patton’s chest to rest his head on top of Virgil’s.

They sat, and they let him cry.

* * *

Logan knew Virgil wasn’t going to sleep.

He never did when he got upset like this – too afraid of closing his eyes and losing everything again. Logan also knew there was nothing he could do to sufficiently soothe Virgil into slumber.

But Logan didn’t really have to sleep either, even if he was far less practiced on going without than Virgil was. He could, at least, stay awake with him.

Patton, curled against Virgil’s back, and Roman curved around him with his forehead pressed to Virgil’s neck, had long since fallen asleep. Logan could barely see them in the dark of Virgil’s room, but he could hear Patton’s soft breaths and Roman’s occasional nonsensical mumbling.

Virgil and Logan both had their eyes open. Logan ran his thumb back and forth across Virgil’s skin, soothing, occasionally moving his hand to a new spot so the sensation didn’t become overwhelming. Virgil was barely moving at all.

It was hours before Logan could bring himself to speak, as quiet as he could manage so as to not wake the other two – the benefits of having better hearing meant they could converse fairly easily without disturbing them

It was precious little comfort, compared to the monumental detriments of being fae.

“I know it will not make up for it,” he said. Virgil shifted slightly and Logan knew he’d heard.

“I know-”

His voice cracked, just barely, and cleared his throat.

“I know it is only a small comfort,” he said, “But-”

He finally looked up, giving Virgil a shaky, bitter smile.

“But you have me,” he said, echoing the words Virgil had said to him the first time they’d kissed. He felt a few stray tears leak from the corner of his eyes and drip down into the pillow.

“That’s something?” he finished.

Virgil moved again, much more suddenly, and tightened his arm around Logan’s waist until they were eye level and pressed a firm kiss against Logan’s lips.

They were both slow with exhaustion, but Logan didn’t think it was possible to kiss Virgil without setting his heart hammering. Virgil pulled him closer again and Logan made faint noise into his mouth. Virgil deepened the kiss in response for just a few seconds before retreating, but still close enough that their lips brushed when he spoke.

“It’s not small,” he said fervently, “And it’s a lot more than just ‘something,’ beloved,”

Logan shivered and kissed him again, significantly less gently. It was enough to startle Virgil, who scraped his nails gently across the small of Logan’s back, and Logan let out a short moan that was _entirely_ too loud.

Another hand, smaller, laid on his hip, and Logan pulled back from Virgil to see Patton looking at him, and Roman propped up on one elbow with a sleepy but undeniably pleased look on his face.

“I apologize for waking you,” said Logan sheepishly, before flushing at the slightly breathless quality of his voice.

“Oh, honey, I’m definitely not complaining,” said Patton, sweet and dark as molasses, before sitting up and leaning over Virgil’s shoulder to kiss him just the same.

When he retreated, Logan saw Virgil’s expression, his unblinking gaze flitting between Roman and Patton like he thought they might disappear if he took his eyes off them too long.

Eirwen had once told him to make the time he had count. She hadn’t really meant it – it had been a taunt, not true advice.

But that did not actually make it bad advice, in Logan’s opinion.

So Logan kissed Patton again, and reached across him to encourage Roman forward until Roman was close enough that Logan could switch to him by barely turning his head. And then he leaned down and kissed Virgil, encouraging him to sit up. He tried to make him understand without the words.

_We have this. We have here, and now. They are not gone yet._

And when Virgil smiled, soft and just barely melancholy enough that Logan didn’t think Patton or Roman would notice, before he turned and kissed Roman so fiercely Logan had to blink stars away from his own vision, Logan knew he’d understood.

**Author's Note:**

> i am also [ tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors ](tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com) over on tumblr! these fics are there as well but there's also a LOT of meta about this series if you're interested


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